Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Twitter and I are on a break. Facebook, too. We're all on a break. Indefinitely. I've been through a few break-ups in my life (from boys, from friends, from habits, etc.) and something I've learned about most break-ups is that it is only after you have distanced yourself from whatever it is that you realize the bad things about them. At least for me, anyway.

I'm a rationalizer. If I'm in any type of relationship, I tend to rationalize away most bad things the person or object does. "It's okay that he doesn't call, he's really busy." "It's not actually taking over my life, I just really like it." "I'm not different when I'm around them, people just change sometimes." Now, at least in my case, most of my rationalizations tend to be based in some form of truth. But they become twisted truth. And there's where the problem starts.

So as Twitter and I are on a break, I've come to realize a few things about it that I tended to rationalize away while we were in our infatuation stage.

1. I have a false sense of community when I use Twitter.
As I'm reading every hour what my closest friends and furthest acquaintances are doing, I become so "involved" in their lives that I forget to ask them about it later. I can't count how many recent conversations have started out with "Hey! Did I tell you about when ______ happened to me today?" "Oh yeah. I saw that on Twitter." I have become so involved in this 140 character obsession, that I have started to digress in my relationships with people.

2. I am more tempted to complain when I use Twitter.
As I was going throughout my day, I thought of maybe 40 different Twitter updates. I was very close to sending at least 10 of them when I would remember the break-up. But what I realized today, is that every single update I thought of was a complaint. Every. Single. One. Whether it was about my schedule or my classes or my teachers or even my friends, every one was a complaint. My word!
"Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation."
Oh how quickly that is all forgotten the second I log into the world of little blue birds.

3. I take my anxiety to Twitter rather than to my Lord.
Self-explanatory. And also irrational if you think about it. Why in the world would I take my deepest worries, mask them to try and get a laugh, and broadcast them to the entire world when I could take them before my Father and have His inexplicable peace??

So, needless to say, Twitter and I have a few problems to work out before I could even think about being in a relationship again. Or maybe I should say, the Lord has many things to fix in me. Many things.

I think Twitter and I might be officially over.


1 comment:

laura said...

i like this post. i miss you. you need to meet Lucy. Love you.