Sunday, March 27, 2011

When my word is difficult

Remember that word God chose for me to represent my entire year?

Oh yeah. Trust. That's the one.

I was thinking the other day about trust. We trust in a lot of things: God, our country, the bank, medicine. And then we trust other things: friends, parents, doctors. It's weird to say you trust in your mom. Although I guess it semi makes sense - it's still weird. So, at least for me, I trust in objects and I trust people.

Objects and people. Notice in which category my Lord was placed?

I often say I trust in God. But rarely do I say I trust God. And there's a difference. When I use that little two-letter word in between trust and God - it lets me off the hook. It means I trust in the idea of God and the idea that His way will prevail eventually, but it also means that I am not trusting Him with my day-to-day. I'm not giving Him everything. I'm letting Him take care of big picture things and I'll go ahead and take care of everything else.

Want to know why?

Because I'm scared. 

I'm scared that once I trust God instead of just trusting in God I'll lose control. I'm scared that once I trust Him with my day-to-day, He'll make my day-to-day something I can't handle. I'm scared that if I give Him everything He'll make me give up everything. I'm scared scared scared.

That's why my word is difficult today. Because change has come and is still coming my way. And I'll let you in on a secret:

I don't want to trust God. 

Tonight I am like Moses in the desert striking the rock. I am like Gideon asking for sign after sign. I am like Sarai giving Abram my servant. I am like Peter denying my Lord.

But Moses saw Canaan. 300 men defeated thousands. Sarah conceived. And the rooster crowed.

I may be scared - but I'm in good company. 


crea said...

I can totally relate to this and really needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing. You are wonderful, Karissa! I love you!

Ashley said...

It's weird to say you trust in your mom.

That's what I was waiting for.

Hannah said...

Wow. Your post gave me chills too, and I actually started crying because I get this. I am so afraid of losing control. For me, it has to do with something silly -- the man I am head-over-heels for. I am terrified that if I give this to God, he will take it away. And I don't want to trust God either because I want to do this my way and have it work out my way.

"I may be scared, but I'm in good company." Amen to that. It's good to know I'm not alone, because right now... especially right now... I feel very alone in it.

Hannah said...

Oops... meant to add a link to my blog..

The Tiny Team said...

Trust is so hard. But God is so gentle with us. As soon as we take that step with so much fear, He is always right there! I think it's His way of building our faith in Him.

Good post, Trust in Him. He is SO trust worthy!